I’m scrolling…

I’m scrolling…

facebookWhen I first activated my Facebook account I loved everything about it because it provided me with opportunities not otherwise available.  I could connect with relatives from Italy that I had heard about my whole life but hadn’t met.  I could follow my brother as he traveled the world. I could see what my friends from high school had been up to for the past 30 years.  I could follow my kids in pictures wisely spending my tuition money.

Today, however, I think Facebook is so annoying that I find I am yelling at myself for even looking at it. I decided it was time kick my ridiculous habit.

I had a plan.

I started off checking Facebook once a day and not every single time I had a down moment.  I wondered if I would I miss out on all that useful information like “50 things lemons are good for,” (how come mixing with vodka wasn’t on the list?) and advice that I “should create something that inspires someone”. (Does making dinner suffice?). I’m now down to checking it every few days.

After a week there is quite a bit of useful information that I missed…said no one ever.facebook2

So I’m scrolling.

A lot.

Am I at a disadvantage because I don’t know what the color of my personality reveals, what the first letters of my name mean, if I’m a vocabulary genius, a medical savant, what my name means in German, what I would have been in a previous life, what the first word I see in a word gram means, who my sweetest friend is, (none of my friends are sweet, that’s why they’re my friends), and if I want to tell my brother and sister they’re the best?  (I do, but I don’t need Facebook).

I’m scrolling.

Why is there so much food on Facebook?  If you have cooked it yourself and are including the recipe, I’ll read it and sometimes prepare it. If you sipped an awesome drink and have the recipe (Hippie Juice was one of my favorites), I’ll print it out and try it. But if you’re taking a picture of food just served to you while sitting in a restaurant… I’m scrolling.

And then there are the incredible amounts of selfies.

There’s a reason Disney has banned selfies-sticks from their theme parks.

Thankfully I have friends who post selfies that I LOVE: in a salon getting color put on their hair hoping for that natural look (hilarious), selfies with muddy and bruised bodies from an arduous bike race (love it), sweaty and sunburned from a workout (perfect), camping in the rain, (not a good hair day but posted anyway…(brave because you look so bad!), bleary eyed from studying around the clock, (brings back memories), a melt-down selfie after your favorite team has lost…again (priceless) .

For these, I stop scrolling.

But when I see perfectly coiffed and made up selfies of only one person, and that’s YOU…I’m scrolling.

facebook3What exactly is the rule for posting your face everywhere on social media?  If you Like it on Facebook, do you also need to Heart it on Instagram? If you get 55 Likes on Facebook but only 15 on Instagram of the same picture does that mean people changed their minds or does it just mean they find you annoying?

Why, I ask, do you need people to say that they love your face (stunning!), your make-up (so pretty!), your eyelashes (to die for!), your lipstick (amazing!), your hair (gorge), your brows (so full!)?

I don’t know why!

I’m scrolling.

And those words of wisdom that I don’t know how I ever survived without.  Did you know that a mother is always a mother, she never stops worrying? (really?) Did you know you should treat someone like you want to be treated? (OK, I’m still facebook4working on that), Did you know that you shouldn’t take anything personally? (I’m Italian…I take EVERYTHING personally),  Did you know that God is there for you in your darkest moments?  I didn’t know any of this!

THANK YOU Facebook!

I’m scrolling.


If your posting pictures of your family and life events, grandchildren being born, graduations, engagements, weddings, first day of kindergarten, last day of high school, the college drop-off, first drive behind a wheel, flags on Veterans Day, a loved facebookheartone remembered, vacations taken, sunsets, sunrises, how to do a proper plank, nature shots, pets, pictures of grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great grandparents, family reunions, weight loss, personal journeys, mountains climbed and conquered…

For this I will stop scrolling.

About Tracy Buckner

Tracy’s humor writing appears in the new book Laugh Out Loud: 40 Women Humorists Celebrate Then and Now...Before We Forget. She regularly blogs for the Erma Bombeck Humor Writers workshop,http://humorwriters.org, and is a syndicated contributor to The New Jersey Hills Newspaper,http://www.newjerseyhills.com/observer-tribune/,serving Morris County. She enjoys writing about life's slow decline and vows to go down kicking and screaming.

One response »

  1. If you have memories from being bleary eyed, I am pretty sure that was from activities other than studying around the clock. Maybe you have memories of seeing your kids bleary eyed from studying but definitely not you! HA! Date: Thu, 10 Sep 2015 19:41:00 +0000 To: skphipps@hotmail.com

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