I’m on a mission to reclaim my brain.

Previously I wrote that I’ve been feeling memory challenged. Memory of names, words on the tip of my tongue that I can’t remember, where I left my phone, keys, glasses, etc. Being assured by my doctor that it wasn’t the onset of early Alzheimer’s, I was told to pretty much deal with it…”it’s part of the aging process”, he said.

“F… that,” I said.

In my younger years when I wanted to learn anything I reached for something I could touch. Flash cards used for multiplication and addition (obviously that didn’t work, but that’s another blog), cookbooks when I wanted to learn a few recipes.

That was then.

This is now.
I pick up my iPhone and go shopping at the APP store. And there it is…Lumosity. An app suggesting I could “reclaim my brain”! It’s a brain trainer. Sort of like an exercise trainer but nobody is yelling at me to get down lower in my squats.

Finding Lumosity gave me hope. Clearly I wasn’t the only person who wanted to find their brain or why would there be an app for it? Others must be walking around in a cloud wondering where they parked their car too. Maybe this app could help me feel like I wasn’t having a senior moment 24 hours a day.

I started with the SHAPES game used for memory. It claimed to help you “manage business meetings where lots of ideas are discussed”.

Managing a business meeting? The closest I come to managing a meeting is discussing who will do what chore in our family. I don’t need ideas. I need someone to take out the garbage. I skip to the next game.

The BRAIN SHIFT game also claims to help with memory and can “make you a better listener at work and in relationships.” WHOA! I don’t need to be a better listener. I want people to listen TO ME! And as for relationships , I don’t need any more friends. The ones I have know what they’re getting and still like me. They too are walking around in a cloud wondering where they left their glasses and their cars. Where’s the training on Lumosity for that, is what I want to know?

I decided to go on their website and sure enough, all those looking to reclaim their brain are in their 20’s. It’s like 18-year-old models selling wrinkle cream to 50-year-olds.

But I knew for sure that this app clearly wasn’t written for me when one of the statements said, “I need to improve on projects – although I can easily switch between them, it’s hard for me to maintain focus on one of them for long”.

You’re 20 years old and you can’t focus?

Clearly this person was not a 50+ year-old mother. Mothers switch between projects the minute they get up in the morning until the minute they go to sleep at night. We don’t need an app to help with project management.
Friends my age aren’t dealing with managing meetings or relationships. We want to remember what we had for dinner last night.

You think you have lost your brain at 20? I at least have an excuse… It’s called MY LIFE! “What’s yours?” I scream at the iPhone.

Maintain focus? Are you kidding me?

You haven’t even been married yet! Now there’s a mind numbing experience.

You haven’t had kids yet who think you were born to serve…them!

You haven’t yet been an executive at a fortune 100 firm making money with a wonderful office and a secretary before you decided to give it all up for the card you get once a year on Mother’s Day.

What I realized was that I deserve to be forgetful! I’ve earned it. I’ve done nothing but schedule activities, play dates, meals, concerts, sleep-over’s, sports practices, competitions, juggle 14 balls in the air at one time, and drive, drive, drive for the past 20 years. MY BRAIN IS FRIED FOR A REASON.

So what if I’m forgetful. I never once missed a game or a concert. I was successful without an app.

So I decided I am going to reclaim my own brain with no help from the app store.

I will park in the same lane at Shop-Rite so I always know approximately where my car is. I will have multiple glasses scattered around the house, I will force myself to put my keys in the same pocket of my purse and on the same counter in my house every time I drive.

I need to give myself a break.
I need to embrace my fogginess.
I’ve earned it.